omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize
