His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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