Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
