just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
