Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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