He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
