and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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