Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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