I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize