Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
