I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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