i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
