I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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