It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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