I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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