Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
