youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
