True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
