A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
