a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
