Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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