why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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