Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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