this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
40s are totally the cure
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
