Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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