At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
