I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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