I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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