You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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