im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
