Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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