I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i permit you to call me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
