biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
