Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize