3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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