You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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