Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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