i permit you to call me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize