I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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