I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And then my night got REAL pukey
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
