You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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