oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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