How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
