I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
