Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
