But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
