i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
