Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
MIDGETS
????
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
