He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize