Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
