Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
