dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
