So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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