Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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