Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
