I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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