Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
