I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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