Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
im six kinds of drunk right now
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
