bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
