He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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