I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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