Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
