Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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