everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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