just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
