She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
