If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
