How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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