If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
