I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
