I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
