whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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