Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
