marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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