Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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