Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
