; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
