Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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