Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
