I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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