who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my being single is dangerous.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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