So drunk its hurt
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just high enough for therapy.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
