Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Randomize
