I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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