I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
