allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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