Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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