i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
