just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
false alarm, still single
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
