Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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