There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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