U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
