This dress was meant to end up on your floor
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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