Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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