Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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