moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
