remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
