dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
