is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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