i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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