I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
