My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
