i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize