woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
