I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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