do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
