i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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