if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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