I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
