i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
