its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
